Tuesday, October 02, 2007


Before we leave, there are a few things that need to be done. The car needs to be cleaned. The lap steel needs fixing, my SG could use a set-up (installation of a tremolo will have to wait), etc. I'll also drop off some other instruments that need fixing, since I now have an in to a good repair guy.

I took the car to get checked out today, after its recent run-in with a deer, to make sure it was good to go. Basically, the guy listened to me, got down on his stomach for 15 seconds, got up and said "The car's fine." I tell him that I need a thorough check, that we'll be out for a month and I don't want any breaking down. He says, "It won't break down." But still I press the issue and finally he explains that nothing looks loose, broken, or damaged at all. "Nah," he says, "the only thing is you got a bunch of fur, guts, and shit down there." Great, I knew that by the smell (which I'm fairly certain is embedding itself into my clothing).

So, TD and I take the car to clean it, manually. I gave it three full cleanings, scrubbing, shooting water under the car, into the tire wells, hell, we even cleaned the darn engine. After that, we vacuumed the car to pick up the remnants left by man, not by dear (mostly wayward Doritos). So, the car's looking good. And yet, it smells bad still. So, when I pull into the parking lot at work, I get down on my stomach, and take a look under the car myself. What I saw is not for the weak-stomached. Fur embedded into the ripped off portion of our bumper (the only visible damage), enough blood and guts to make the metal hardly visible beneath it on all the car's underbelly parts. This explains why earlier today I saw a man struggling to pull the dog he was walking away from our van. Something had grabbed the hound's nose, now I know what.

There's no way a simple cleaning can fix this, the car must get propped up. As far as I can tell, there are four solutions: 1) find a car steamer to prop the car up and actually take on the task of cleaning the underbelly, 2) jack up the car myself and do it (I have fairly good reasons to avoid this, including getting doused with water today on splash back from the wheel well, making me paranoid I have deer stench on me -- though, as noted, I may have it already), 3) let the deer parts naturally deteriorate (this could take a couple weeks, and force the band to live in a stinky van for the half of the tour), and 4) set the car on fire. OK, that last one isn't real. If anyone has any other ideas, please feel free. I'm all ears (because my car is all deer -- man, I shouldn't be making jokes about this...).

Anyhow, now that we know the extent of the grotesque scene beneath the van, I wonder in retrospect whether the guy at the auto shop took his 15-second look at the blood and guts and said "Screw it." Maybe I need to get a second opinion.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

they have an undercarriage wash special

02 October, 2007 21:44  
Anonymous glenn said...

now that's a tip!

03 October, 2007 09:55  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah but watch out for those damn anonymous tips.

03 October, 2007 20:51  
Anonymous g said...

will do. thanks to your anonymous tip!

04 October, 2007 07:26  

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