Sunday, April 29, 2007

Que sera sera

I've had a couple days to think about Friday's show. I'm in Virginia now, collecting some stuff for the big move, and I've been thinking about Friday's show at the Lizard Lounge a lot. Why I got so mad. Why I still kind of am. It's hard to explain, but I just have high expectations, I guess.

I haven't been in the best mood lately, this much is true. Well, some of the time I've been OK, but a lot of the time, I'm not. The stress of finals, combined with (yes, this is unfortunately a big mood determining factor) the Mavericks playing like pure crap in the playoffs (as stated, I view the Mavs as a parallel to my own life, so yes, I take their wins and losses personally), combined with me being put out of my element on Friday by what I believe may have been a serious (or joking?) statement, and finally being peeved at the club for not allowing Katie in, it all amounted to a bad mood on Friday. A really bad mood, that got worse as we played. On what was supposed to be a joyous occasion in celebration of our friend Ted. And I try not to let the mood affect the performance. I told Mike afterward that what I need to focus on, in the things that we as individuals must focus on to make the unit better, is getting my head in the right place. Friday that wasn't happening. Perhaps it's hurting us to play later at night. Perhaps we've gotten spoiled by later slots and weekend dates. Maybe I'm not taking it seriously and all of us aren't acting like the professionals we aspire to be. And maybe, quite possibly, I'm overreacting to everything.

There's blame for Friday, and almost all of it should be directed at me. I can not, and hopefully will not, allow my attitude -- or the performance itself, and the conditions therein -- to affect how I play. Because that will only make things worse. Friday was a slap in the face for me. It hurt a lot. It made me want to get things back on track, because it seems like every other show lately has been below standards. And I'll take the blame for that, too. We need focus, we need professionalism, but also, we need relaxation. I need to take it easy. I need to stop coming down on others. I ask what I ask, and everyone is welcome to do the same of me, but either way, I have a good feeling we'll come out on top. Sometimes that feeling is less secure than others, but for the most part, I feel OK. But at some point, I must say que sera sera.

It may not be in my nature, but I must learn to adjust. Then, everything will fall into place, I believe. And that's the truth.
SET LIST: A Hard Rain / Shotgun Wedding / Loose Lips / Carolyn, Don't Leave Like This / The Nadir / Seasons / You'll Be Crying Soon (debut) / On The Lam / Trouble From The Start / Shine A Light

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Anonymous mel said...

okay, i seriously have not heard half of the songs on that set list because i was gone so long. that needs to change, asap.

also, sorry you ended up having a rough night, glenn. the good thing is that you are able to identify it, and figure out what needs to improve, and make the necessary changes. a lot of people don't even get that far when they have a tough time.

30 April, 2007 07:01  

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